it’s getting dark & lonely here nowadays
& i can sing songs about survival if i care
but i only mean to want men
who can premise revolutions instead

if you knew me you would know that
nothing about me is ordinary
everything is besieged- glistening
in the exquisite anticipation of birthing anew

i am losing my sanity hiding these days,
so, i deconstruct my mind into an enamored theater
& invite God in for a stroll instead;
“You see, this is how i have glistened
in psychosis all these years”
this is how i have seduced darkness
& hid in corners.
played pretense to making friendships
betrayed every ounce of sanity by
crocheting passion into a noose
& yet now,
I have barely reached
the embers of survival
stuck staring at an abyss
engulfed in a fire that
refuses to be tamed;

‘How do you imagine a diagnosis helping you’ she asks;

i don’t know i reply-
i mean what could possibly aid the violence
that constructs my silence

i have resigned myself don’t you see-
there is no way i can survive for long

i mean look at my body
look at the way it holds this mystery
which has refused to be named
look at the way it curves in crevices
the way my tongue rolls over
the precipice of an imagined future
anticipating the anticipation

i mean
look at me
wrecking the wreckage
& calling it poetry.

…

Panchami is a law student who loves coffee, books and hiding in various corners of the world.