I caught

            sight

            of you

in

       the

ultra sound
and I keptitasecret
wearing you like a badge                  of honour

a son
blue

and

I

bought

                     blue

onsies bibs bath books
soothers crib

(just like my sisters in law in the states )

           and
a night light
blue
it

      threw stars
on the ceiling

and the walls
we were flying
across the black holes
and the galaxies

I felt invincible
pregnant and defiant
and so self assured

I forgot
blue is the color of wasted vigil

twice

blue is the color of all the toys
I keep giving away
to children who know

 how to play
or

        drive toy cars
blue
is the color of the sky the morning after I brought you home
the color

               of the cards

                    I received

           congratulations

as an extended metaphor
a hyperbolic suspension
of

time

in waitingformeforyouforme
blue is the sky

after a long
mournful night
or the night

after a tedium day
blue sanity peeping out of your shirt
sosnugsosmugsosure
of knowingmyunknowingmyknowingand now of not:

that night when you said

 I want to love you

for

the rest of my life

that night
the sky was not blue
the day the winter turned white
cold
bitter
gold
brittle
the sky was not blue
when you kiss my toesmyshinsmyanklesmyarches
the blue withers
and my lake ripples
the forest grows
and the colors burst
in a meteor of what could have been
but is not
and the colors are all there
not blue
not blue
not yet
not now
not ever
the galaxies
the stars
the grass in the lawn below
the jhumka bail
all sigh
not blue
not blue
not yet
not now
i trace the
corner
of yourlife in the foldsofmylife
the paint
lies
on
the f   l   o   o  r
of my daughter’s studio
and she mixes
a new
blue
it reeksofoldrooftopsbeingtorn
she mixes goldinto her newblue
permeating order
killingthebluethatkilled
a curve extends at the corner of herlipsofmylips
not blue
not blue
not yet
not now…

Dee is from Lahore, Pakistan. Loves dark nights and old trees.