Shakchunni

RIC J: How did you find us? Why are you here? I am sorry, but we didn’t invite you.

SC: Oh, it’s cute that you think I need your permission to be anywhere. I appear wherever and whenever I choose. I invited myself.

RIC J: In that case, welcome. What do you want from us?

SC: You really think too highly of yourself. There is nothing in this world that you can give me, there is nothing in this world I do not already have. Interview me. I was getting bored.

RIC J: Why are you called Shakchunni?

SC: (points at wrist) See these bangles made of shell? In Bengal, married women wear two bangles made of conch shell and two bangles made of red coral. It’s called sanka …

RIC J: So you are the ghost of a married woman?

SC: Well … yeah. That’s quite obvious, isn’t it? You are not very intelligent. Where is the other editor? The French one. I’d prefer to talk to him.

RIC J: He has no time. He is a very busy person.

SC: Oh well, what a waste of my time. Anyway, yes – I am the ghost of a married woman. Before you ask me another boring question, I am Shakchunni because I killed my husband.

RIC J: Why did you kill your husband?

SC:
He gave me no attention. So one night I thought murder would be a good way to get him to notice me. I entered the room with a knife – he tried to calm me by kissing me, by making love to me. It was the best sex of my life. I killed him anyway.

RIC J: Did you drink his blood?

SC: Of course not, I don’t like men’s blood. It’s bitter. I like drinking birds’ blood or children’s … but only if I haven’t killed them. If I kill children below 5 years of age, I do not eat them. I have a very gentle and tender heart.

RIC J: What is your favourite film?

SC: Mary Poppins.

RIC J: Your favourite cuisine.

SC: I am a very open minded person. I like to eat everything. Though, I do have a weakness for anything with raw flesh in it.

RIC J: Vodka or wine?

SC: I like drinking Vodka in Putin’s bedroom – it’s very funny.

RIC J: Are you in love with anyone?

SC: Yes, with Baron Samedi. I haven’t told him yet. I am very … shy.

RIC J: Why is your voice nasal? Why are your feet cracked?

SC: I had a rhinoplasty – it’s very stressful in the nether world, all these female ghosts trying to win Baron’s attention. I had to look my best. And my feet are not cracked. They are beautiful. You are blind – unable to see beauty in front of you. I really don’t like you. I am leaving now. Fuck you, my feet are not cracked.

RIC J: Before you leave: in the memory of a Sufi patient, please define life in two words.

SC: Blood Scent.

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