Ramses II

RIC J: You were the third pharaoh of the nineteenth dynasty of Egypt but you have been dead for thousands of years. How has your life affected your afterlife?
R: See what is called “the little death” in the living world? Well, death is kind of like that every second. Not even time to catch a breath, and not even need. It’s “the little death” every second. Interrupting me to answer you is almost a pain, because it is an interruption of enjoyment.

RIC J: Which is your favourite website to read news from earth?

R: http://www.antiquities.gov.eg

RIC J: Name your three favourite comics.

R: Moon Knight, Papyrus and Dr Strange.

RIC J: Are there clubs where you are? Do you find enough drugs?
R: I often go down to Harry’s bar in Venice. The waiter, Antonio, knows me well. He serves me a Bloody Marry, with a few cumin seeds. It’s my personal touch. You should try.

RIC J: You were famously the first mummy to have a passport. Did you need a passport to enter heaven?

R: No. I enter paradise with my dick. Especially since the emabuameurs coated it with gold leaf.

RIC J: Are you in heaven or hell? Or a completely different place?

R: You don’t feel me? I’m inside of you.

RIC J: What is your favourite way to pass the time?
R: Open your mouth, I’ll show you

RIC J: Please share your views on papayas.

R: Beautiful outside, rotten inside. It reminds me of a princess who gave me an illness two or three thousand years ago …

RIC J: Have your preferred sex positions changed after death? As a mummy, which is your favourite position?

R: Above all, I like the Geb/Nut position. Look at the cover of my sarcophagus, or my funeral papyrus, and you will understand.

RIC J: Which is the best book you read last year?

R: “The book of the dead”. It’s boring to die for, but I have no choice. If I don’t read it every day, I will become mortal again, and there will be no more endless pleasures.

RIC J: I think you will look really cool with sunglasses. Which one would you like to buy?

R: Ray Ban. Ramses only wears Ray Ban.

RIC J: If you could have sex again on earth, where would you like to have it?

R: In your bed, in your kitchen, on your bedside table, in your rattan armchair, on your coffee table, against your front door, on your balcony, between your green plants, against your fence, in front of Pasolini’s photo , on your pile of books to read, everywhere, all the time, without stopping.

RIC J: Please share your favourite Italian recipe with our reader. No fish allowed.

R: Olive oil, oregano, black pepper, pinch of salt, mix with your finger, lick your finger, dip a piece of fresh bread, enjoy.

RIC J: Name the last woman you kissed.

R: Your mother.

RIC J: In the memory of a Sufi patient, please define life in two words.

R: In you.

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